The problem, in our humble opinion, is that producers just aren’t thinking big enough.
Here are five examples of celebrity casting that we’d definitely pay full price for:
- Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin – Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly – Chicago. The ladies need to pick up some blue state support and prove that they don’t hate gays. Pretty much everybody else has already played the roles. Plus, my girl Sarah could throw a flute solo into the middle of “Cell Block Tango”. Why hasn’t this happened yet?
- The Cast of Full House – all roles – Evita. Mary Kate and Ashley play Eva, switching on and off throughout the show in true Michelle Tanner style. Bob Saget is Peron. It’s creepy. John Stamos’s hair plays Magaldi. Uncle Joey does Che in the Bullwinkle voice. Stephanie sings the one female song not sung by Eva. Mary Kate wins the Tony and Ashley gets snubbed. Huge brawl at the podium. Relapses galore. Almost certainly a behind-the-scenes reality TV show involved. The cast of The Facts of Life takes over for the tour.
- Mel Gibson – Tevye – Fiddler on the Roof. Holy crap! This would be the most offensive thing ever to happen on stage. Protests. Riots. The legitimate possibility that Mel might kill people. It would run for years.
- A Chimpanzee – Eliza Doolittle – My Fair Lady. Alright, so technically it wouldn’t be a celebrity unless you got the chimp from that Matt LeBlanc baseball movie, but still, talking animals are an instant win. Imagine how awesome a monkey with a cockney accent would be. And “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face”? Gold.
- Jesus Christ – Jesus Christ – Jesus Christ Superstar. Everybody loves a comeback, right?