Lyrics: To Excess

Jose Llana sings "To Excess" at Birdland

That’s how this song started out.  Michael and I were in his parents’ basement in Altoona, PA, brainstorming a list of edgy, semi-controversial topics that hadn’t been covered yet, and we stumbled upon that particular realization.  Stalkers were as-of-yet unclaimed.

Now, there was probably a good reason for that, but we tend to ignore things like good reasons, so we came up with a scenario where a slightly awkward, somehow charming, clearly insane man is caught snooping through the object of his affection’s underwear drawer.  The further he launches into his extremely logical explanation for what he’s doing, the crazier he becomes.

I proceeded to write a brief monologue, just to get into the character a little bit (a slightly awkward, obsessive weirdo is obviously a stretch for me) and we found the premise that became the hook of the song.  “If it’s a crime to (insert really crazy behavior here), then I guess I am guilty of loving you to excess.”  It was a particularly helpful hook for me, because the rhymes for “excess” provide ample opportunity for fun crazy behavior.

We knew pretty much how the song was going to end right from the start, the tricky part was building the progression of craziness leading up to that point.  It was a challenge, but led to some fun conversations about exactly what we could have this guy do to a mannequin without crossing the proverbial line.  If such a line exists in a song like this.

Over the years, we’ve had some incredible people sing the song.  Anderson Davis premiered it for us.  Christopher Sieber sings it on our album.  And Spelling Bee‘s Jose Llana sang it at our recent Birdland concert.  (Video coming soon!)

Here’s a clip.

Buy the song on iTunes.

To Excess

Hey there Claire.
Hey.  Hiya.  Hi.
This is weird.
I can see that.
But it’s not what it looks like.
Can you put the bat down?  No?

Please hold on, I’ll explain.
(sung)
I will show you that I’m not insane.

Listen Claire, you will see
We are destiny.

Claire, I need you around me.
That’s why I broke in your place.
That’s why you came home and found me
With your panties pressed to my face.

Cause Claire,
You may not recall the day that we met.
But it’s a day I’ll never forget.
The Stop-n-Shop produce aisle
I got all wrapped up in your smile.

And then,
I bumped right into your leg with my cart.
And that bump started a song in my heart.
You turned and said “What the hell?”
And well, Claire, that’s the moment I fell.

If it’s a crime to follow a girl all the way home
And memorize her address.
Then I guess I am guilty
Of loving you to excess.

And Claire,
I may not be in very good shape.
But I can climb a fire escape.
And I am not dismayed
That you shut your living room shade.

Cause Claire,
I bought a real nice camera with zoom.
Found me a tree with a view of your room.
Claire Bear it makes me weep
That you look so cute when you sleep.

If it’s a crime to take some pictures of a girl
In various states of undress
Then I guess I am guilty
Of loving you to excess.

I see eyeing up that window there, but Claire let me speak.
I’m not some psycho like that guy you took to Chili’s last week.
He didn’t even try to open up the door for you as you left the bar.
So I hit that asshole with my car.

And Claire,
I am a sweet and amorous guy.
I carved your name into my left thigh.
I wrote you a love haiku
Out of all the blood that I drew.

Then Claire,
I stole a mannequin from the mall.
Made me my very own Claire Bear doll.
But she stares at other guys
So I gave her two black eyes.

If it’s a crime to take a doll into a restroom
And make a little bit of a mess,
Then I guess I am guilty
Of loving you to excess.

So Claire,
Just take my hand and please be my spouse.
We’ll live in the bunker I built ‘neath my house.
We’ll spoon in the candle light.
And I’ll sniff your feet every night.

And Claire,
On Sundays I’ll unlock you from your chain.
We’ll have a nice dinner and sip champagne.
We’ll make sweet love all night long
Just you… and me… and my mom.

If it’s a crime to hold a girl’s grandmother hostage
Until she agrees to say yes
Then I guess I am guilty.
I confess I am guilty.
Like sentenced to life guilty
Of loving you to excess.
(spoken)
So, what do you say Claire?

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8 Responses to Lyrics: To Excess

  1. Tal Weiss says:

    One of my favorites!
    Do you have any early drafts of it, or lyrics that didn’t made the final version?

    • koomandimond says:

      Thanks, Tal. Here’s an early version of a verse that didn’t make the cut:

      Then Claire,
      I saw your dog and I hatched a plan.
      To demonstrate how I was the man.
      I would just kidnap him
      While you’re yoga-ing at the gym.

      And then,
      When you were sure that he’d run away.
      I’d bring him back and rescue the day.
      But who would’ve ever thunk
      That he’d suffocate in my trunk.

      If it’s a crime to kill a girl’s beloved schnauzer
      To comfort her in her distress.
      Then I guess I am guilty
      Of loving you to excess.

  2. mjcache says:

    What a hoot! You’re completely nuts and I really appreciate that quality.

  3. Pingback: Lyrics: To Excess | Kooman + Dimond | reepy and funny at the same time

  4. is there any way to get sheet music for this?? BRILLIANT 🙂

  5. Anonymous says:

    A kid did this at a high school speech contest. It was awesome! So funny!!!

  6. David Aguirre says:

    Is there any way to get an instrumental version with no vocals?

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